my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
