You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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