my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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