I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
