you guys were way drunker than both of me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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