Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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