Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
