Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
