i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
