i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need a beard to bite.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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