I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
