There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
