YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
