I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Shame - the story of my life.
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