After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
