Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
