We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
