im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
