I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
