one two three fourrrrnication!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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