Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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