It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
