I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
