how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
