I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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