Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
