Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
