with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
