Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize