I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize