in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
