theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
