she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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