No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
