just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
