Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
