Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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