Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
