So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
