Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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