Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
