Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
