my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
