onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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