i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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