Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
as a side note pls kill me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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