Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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