Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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