Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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