I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
