My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
