I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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