I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
