I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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