I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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