It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
