his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
