Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
