i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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