she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
