my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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