The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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