hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
