So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
