I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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