just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
