better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
