EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
