So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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