i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
