it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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