Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
