More tranny stories later!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
