I heard we made out
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
