Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm just crazy horny about you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
