I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
