i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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