a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
