Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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